Come Hither.

Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead.


I never really had the time for months now to actually pen some serious stuff here. Stuff relating to the heart.

It started two weeks after the biggest letdown, when new people started walking into your life.

Yet five months and turmoils later, they're still here. And because they've stayed throughout, that's when you and I both know, they're for the keeping.

I am one easily swayed. I make decisions, both of good and bad. Sometimes I bang on the hope that the one bad decision might actually turn out good. Sometimes I resign to fate.

Many have called me a pessimist, but I know enough, been through enough, to be standing tall today, and to tell you, whoever you are reading this, that sometimes, don't put your expectations too high, because when you fall, you fall the hardest.

I do not fancy people placing their expectations on me, because I might not be able to live up to them. Neither do I want to put my expectations on others, for fear they can't live up to mine. And also because at the end of the day, whatever the outcome, I take both the blame solely on myself - to fail to live up to expectations, to put so much hopeful burden unto another.

Of guilt, of hatred, of regrets, of shame, of pain.

And when that happens, I retreat into my own sphere of paranoia, and depression. It would take me ages to get out, and probably never for you to get in.


Relationships become very causal because of expectations. We ought to feel this, because this is the effect of a cause. A cause, like a kiss, should set you ablaze. A hug should ease the pain. A real woman to submit to her spouse. A true man to have many cars and the riches. And the list goes on.

If the nature of a relationship, good or bad, depends on this endless checklists of expectations and demands, I would say that relationships are nothing but merely an act for others, and the checklist as proof.

People fail to see that a relationship is between two individuals, not more. So who are we outsiders to put descriptive words for the couple?

We may say, "They are so happy together!" but is happy truly the correct word? An understatement.


I believe that love, is for two to tell, never more. And love is not by words nor actions, but felt. Through the eyes, that are the willingly opened doors to one's heart.


The above. They are important.

But the most important things are always the hardest things to say. They are the things I get ashamed of, because words diminish them - words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in my head, to no more than living size when they're brought out.

But it's more than that. The most important things lie too close to wherever my secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure enemies would love to steal away.

And I make revelations that cost me dearly, only to have people look at me in a funny way, not understanding what I've said at all, or why I thought it was so important that I almost cried while I was saying it.

That's the worst, I think. Because the secret always stay locked within until now.

This secret -
never for want of a teller, but for want of an understanding listener.


Y JJ