Come Hither.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Issac.
Informed Keeliang I would no longer be attending church and cell. And I explained myself. Told him that I made this decision, so Glen would be able to go for services as normal. He would definitely feel more comfortable with the university group than the working group. And he will need the support when his mom's gone back.
Sigh.
I can't believe right up till this very moment, I still thought of his interests before mine. And I still worry about him. I've gotten so used to being there for him, thinking about his every needs.
Has he eaten? Did he eat well? Is he full? Slept well? How was school? Stressful? Okay, time to let him go back to gaming. It's alright, Lynette. This is his refuge, remember? Don't feel sad. People forget promises all the time. You forget promises too, right? So just, uh, go find some stuff to do, or something.
Stop this nonsense, Lynette!
Remember, you are only a substitute.
You got that big, ugly bruise on your feet because you were careless. You were spacing out. You let that suicide computer freefall a metre onto your feet. Who's going to pity you now? Is worrying and caring about his interests worth it now that you're limping?
You're not his mom. This is never your job. You have been foolishly doing the job for his mom. You're nothing but a tool. Tools don't have feelings. Tools are meant to be manipulated. All you've been doing, looking after his needs, protecting him, accepting him, being with him because you worry he's lonely, were you ever appreciated? So why are you trying to please this earthly being? She is not God.
His real mom is back in his life. So it's time you get out. You'll never have much of a say in his life anyway. Don't be stupid. You'd accommodated enough.
You're brave, remember that. Because no matter how scared you are of the dark, how scared you are walking home alone on that empty pavement in the dark, you always made your way home, safely, all by yourself. You never imposed on him to see you home. Because reaching home early meant he can seek refuge after the day. You never minded. Never complained again. You'd accommodated. And you have been protecting yourself well, Lynette.
Glen never had the right to ask you to change anything about yourself. You never demanded him to change who he really is, under a subtle "or else ..." situation. So remember, if he loved you enough, treasured you enough, accepted who you are, he won't be wanting you to change. At all.
Don't blame him. He's only confused and controlled.
Thank him instead. He did what you could never bring yourself to do.
You pretend to be weak. So in contrast, you make people feel so strong. You save people by letting them save you. All you have to do is be fragile and continue with the pretense. So stay the underdog ... you're the proof of their courage. The proof they were a hero. Evidence of their success ... you might be the one good deed, the deathbed memory that justifies their entire existence.
You loved him enough, and you played your part, Lynette.
He lost you.
Informed Keeliang I would no longer be attending church and cell. And I explained myself. Told him that I made this decision, so Glen would be able to go for services as normal. He would definitely feel more comfortable with the university group than the working group. And he will need the support when his mom's gone back.
Sigh.
I can't believe right up till this very moment, I still thought of his interests before mine. And I still worry about him. I've gotten so used to being there for him, thinking about his every needs.
Has he eaten? Did he eat well? Is he full? Slept well? How was school? Stressful? Okay, time to let him go back to gaming. It's alright, Lynette. This is his refuge, remember? Don't feel sad. People forget promises all the time. You forget promises too, right? So just, uh, go find some stuff to do, or something.
Stop this nonsense, Lynette!
Remember, you are only a substitute.
You got that big, ugly bruise on your feet because you were careless. You were spacing out. You let that suicide computer freefall a metre onto your feet. Who's going to pity you now? Is worrying and caring about his interests worth it now that you're limping?
You're not his mom. This is never your job. You have been foolishly doing the job for his mom. You're nothing but a tool. Tools don't have feelings. Tools are meant to be manipulated. All you've been doing, looking after his needs, protecting him, accepting him, being with him because you worry he's lonely, were you ever appreciated? So why are you trying to please this earthly being? She is not God.
His real mom is back in his life. So it's time you get out. You'll never have much of a say in his life anyway. Don't be stupid. You'd accommodated enough.
You're brave, remember that. Because no matter how scared you are of the dark, how scared you are walking home alone on that empty pavement in the dark, you always made your way home, safely, all by yourself. You never imposed on him to see you home. Because reaching home early meant he can seek refuge after the day. You never minded. Never complained again. You'd accommodated. And you have been protecting yourself well, Lynette.
Glen never had the right to ask you to change anything about yourself. You never demanded him to change who he really is, under a subtle "or else ..." situation. So remember, if he loved you enough, treasured you enough, accepted who you are, he won't be wanting you to change. At all.
Don't blame him. He's only confused and controlled.
Thank him instead. He did what you could never bring yourself to do.
You pretend to be weak. So in contrast, you make people feel so strong. You save people by letting them save you. All you have to do is be fragile and continue with the pretense. So stay the underdog ... you're the proof of their courage. The proof they were a hero. Evidence of their success ... you might be the one good deed, the deathbed memory that justifies their entire existence.
You loved him enough, and you played your part, Lynette.
He lost you.
posted by Lynette # 12:30:00 AM 
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